Does anyone have a decent knowledge of computers? My computer has a wonderful habit of crashing everytime I use Word. And I use Word a lot. I mean it used to be every now and again, maybe after and hour or so, which was annoying but bearable. Now it's every 5 mins, I barely knock out a hundred words and it's dead, it's driving me absolutely nuts! Oh, for my Mac...
So I find myself back in this wonderful blog box...oh the joys of sleep evasion (I wrote 'avasion' here first by mistake, but I think it's a better word, a lot more pleasing to the ear and eye, what d'you reckon? Maybe I should start a campaign for it's inclusion in the OED. That and 'nonymous', as there is no actual real opposite for 'anonymous'. [In case you're thinking 'of course there is, what about identified/revealed/known' etc. try putting them into the sentence I put to James a few nights ago, 'I do not agree with your system of ****** marking', they just don't quite work!] Ok - maybe getting a little to picky/geeky now). And I now have ten readers...ten! Thank you one and all (ten)! Which isn't actually that much, but I guess even Chaucer had to start somewhere, and who's to say it wasn't on an internet blogging site?! Which got me thinking; I now have a small amount of control, a tiny little psychological stranglehold. I can write whatever I want and the chances are, even if only for the sake of mild curiosity and boredom, at least ten of you will read it...hmmm...so what do I do with this sliver of sychophantical power?
I'm gonna tell you some stupid things I've heard some Welsh people say, that's what. Oh, and write. (it might be pointed out now that some of you have already heard or read these and if one of these people is you, then, in the words of Tim Bisley, 'skip to the end...')
1.) In a petrol station, about to pay for some fuel, a female cashier turns to her colleague and says;
'It's Steves birthday this year, isn't it'
It might be pointed out that at this point I turned to her colleague, expecting raucous laughter, and when she simply agreed I frantically looked around at the people in the queue, searching for someone to share the joke with, but no-one appeared to be forthcoming!
2) On a menu, in a self proclaimed coffee house were listed, in the coffee list, a 'cafe mocca' (excuse the lack of accents - no idea how to insert them!) and 'expresso', even though on the instant coffee machine (seriously - an instant coffee machine in a 'coffee house') were clearly written the names 'caffe mocha' and 'espresso'. Ok, maybe this isn't so much funny as damn annoying - have a little consideration before printing out fifty damn menus!
3) In a dentist surgery, whilst reading Don Quixote, a lovely young girl approached me. The conversation went a little like this;
Welshy: Oooh, I really like those books, which one is it? (taking the book from me)
Me: (a little confused as to which 'books' she means) erm, Don Quixote-
Welshy: Which one's that?
Me: (stumbling now - what damn 'type' of book could she have meant?!) You know, Cervantes, the 16th century Spanish novelist...(nothing). Erm, about a guy who reads loads of books and goes a bit mad...goes out trying to be a knight errant...? (falling on deaf ears by now)
Welshy: Oh, see I like the true stories, like this one I read, can't remember what it was called, about a girl who was abused by her uncle as a child and then grew up scared of telling anyone and then one day told someone and the police found out and arrested him and...(this went on for quite some time)
Me: (Completely perplexed but going along with it out of politeness) Oh, I don't tend to read much non-fiction, you like that kind of stuff, do you?
Welshy: (Completely matter of fact) Oh no, I don't like non-fiction, I only like reading true stories.
Well, what can you say to that?! I think I kinda murmered something and then fell back into the book. I prefer Don Quixote's form of madness, at least he had some fun with it!
Well, that's all for now folks...It's getting on and I've got a book to finish (A Year in the Life of TheManWhoFellAsleep - Greg Stekelman, but it's an absolutely cracking book so I'm sure there'll be a gushing review coming soon!). So I hope you managed to squeeze out a giggle.
Don't forget to tell all your friends about me and spread my power! All be here all wee- probably for a long fucking time. Goodnight.
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