MKJ part 2: The first night

I was given the front seat, next to Mr Jang, and had my bags taken to the boot (soon to be renamed trunk). I desperately tried to keep up with the conversation, and indeed everything I was passing, but was so tired I could barely concentrate. But at last – I was told that we had come to the area in which Emily lives. I must be pretty close now I thought. Shame I'm not by the beach though eh? Oh well, I'll live…

But, we kept driving. And driving. And after about twenty minutes, I started to get concerned – I was supposed to be near Emily, I was supposed to be IN Busan…we appeared to be driving into the arse end of nowhere. The streets got smaller and the traffic lighter. We crossed a bridge onto an island (AN ISLAND?!) and yet we kept going. After about another ten minutes we finally stopped passing any shops and came to several towering monoliths of 1980's style blocks of flats (sorry, apartment blocks). We got out. I was in no mood, even if it would get me anywhere, to argue. I just need a bed.

As we stepped out, Mrs Jang announced, 'we are here – this is your house'. And then a little quieter (not that anyone would understand) 'these are, how would I say…Quite humble'. Oh gee (yes I think things like 'gee' now) that's err…thanks. Anyway, we went up to the twentieth (that would be the very top) floor, and into my home for the next 365 days. It was grubby. Everything was in Korean (most notably the washing machine and water boiler – this was actually more surprising than you'd think), and after a brief (though it felt like several hours) tour by Mr and Mrs Jang they left, I through my case in the corner – brushed my teeth, ignored the fact that I was grubby as hell and desperately needed a shower, and threw myself on my bed.

It was horrible. The pillow felt like crepe paper and the duvet like a sheet of kitchen towel. I tossed and turned. Suddenly sleep evaporated. I felt shit.

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I can tell you know the precise moment when the realisation of what I was doing – who I was leaving and how lost I was – hit me. At 3am on that Sunday morning I felt one of the most horrible emotional swells I have ever experienced – suddenly I was alone, completely separated from all my friends and family back home, and I felt like I was a hundred miles from those few people I knew in Korea. I was in a shitty flat with a shitty bed that I had to live and sleep in for the next year. I couldn't sleep, and I had to be up at 7 am to teach – I couldn't understand anyone or anything, even how to clean my clothes or wash myself in hot water and though Mrs Jang had been kind enough to provide me with some food, I felt hungry as hell and just wanted to go in my kitchen and cook something. But most of all – most of all – I had brought to near constant tears the one person who I am supposed to love – I had left Hayley for this, Hayley who had supported me through my decision to leave even though it was destroying her to see me go to…to this shitty flat, this shitty city, this shitty country.

I made my decision then – I had to go home. I would put down the grand I would lose to a lesson learnt and go home – tomorrow I would discover that I hated the school as well and then I would just leave. I can afford it – my initial spending money would cover a flight back. Fuck it, I'm going home. But first – first I have to speak to Hayley.

So there I was. Three-fifteen in the morning, at a public phone box, phone card in hand, in the car park of my apartment block. It took me a few goes to ring, as there was no light to see what I was doing, but eventually I got a line through to home (it would have been around 7pm in England). And, I'm not at all ashamed to say, as soon as Hayley picked up the phone, and in a very unsure voice, almost asked the question 'Hello?' and I had no doubt in my mind that it was because she really wanted it to be me, but knew that I wouldn't be calling at this time, I cried.

I cried and cried, and even to think of how sad I felt that I wasn't with her draws moisture to my eyes, and a welling in my stomach even now. I have never quite released emotion like that, and when I stopped (for several minutes I didn't, I couldn't even say a word) it felt strangely good. I spoke with Hayley for a while, and, after telling her all the things I felt, and after knowing that I was not at all alone I went back upstairs and eventually fell asleep.