Ok, I realise that this is a little out of order but as I started reading about the plane crash in The Satanic Verses, after having watched two plane crashes in Family Guy (note: as I write - and watch and read the above - Hayley is flying to see me. I'm not generally the superstitious type but sometimes coincidence gets too much and I'm starting to worry a little...) I realised that I haven't actually written about the flight itself, and that I'm gradually starting to forget it. As this was my first long-haul flight, and indeed quite an important one, I wanted to record it. For posterity, as it were...
Having wanted to stay with Adam, Matt and Hayley for as long as possible at Heathrow, I had left it until the last minute to go through security and into the departures lounge. So late in fact that after I got through security I only had time to go into Smiths to buy a few more plug adapters and a bottle of water before I heard my flight being called through for boarding. As I walked into the boarding area, it became reality for me something that I knew all along; I was going to a country in which I was to be the alien. Although there were a few western people there (as can only expected on a flight departing from Britain and heading for the biggest city in Korea - one that is a common through route for people heading to Australia) it was mostly Korean faces that looked back at me - for the first time of the year, I realised now that for the next year, I would belong to the ethnic minority. Something perhaps that British people don't generally consider much of a possibility!
I was flying with Korea Air (a fitting start, I thought) and as such, it was mostly Korean air stewards/stewardesses that greeted me, incredibly politely, into the aeroplane. The first faux pas of my trip (the first of many) was to turn left as I entered the cabin...this is really a mistake that I should never have made as though I have certainly never lived the high life, I have read about it enough and realise that 'turning left' is something that only the most blue blooded amongst us are allowed to do - anyway after a brief recognition of the plush reclined seats, and a very polite if not a little desperate 'this way please sir' from one of the stewardesses, I was returned to my lower class way of life and directed into the 'three in a row' economy class cabin.
Although in fariness to Korea Air (you must remember that I have no point of comparison to this) - what an economy class they deliver! I was actually quite unsure whether I had actually made it all the way back to the 'how cheap can you do it for?' as I read my seat number, checked with the stewardess (I actually had to check!) that I was in the correct seat, and then removed the flight blanket, water, toothbrush, eye mask and flight socks to sit down. I was lucky enough to have blagged emergency exit seats (in all fairness I was going for business class, but you take what you can...) so I stretched out, took out my flight tray, removed my own personal television from the arm rest and got comfortable!
Now the longest flight (and incidentally the first) that I have ever experienced so far was five hours to Egypt, which was on a typical 'flying bus' aeroplane, with everyone sat knee to shoulder as if on a short jaunt to Paris - the only difference being that we were served a tin foil dinner, where everything tasted a bit like an insubstantial form of rubber, and they had some Vicar of Dibley repeats on the fer TV's dotted about. So the first thing that shocked me about this aeroplane was the sheer size of it. It had two fucking floors for christ's sake - how the hell can a big metal thing like that ever get airborne?! It was basically what I'd always envisioned flying to be like, judging by all the films/TV I'd ever watched (couldn't help thinking of the 'there's a problem with the left philange' seen from friends), and redeemed all the disappointments that I'd come to expect from previous flights - I even got to walk down the big tube I was always scared I'd fall out of (Dumb and Dumber) - again, another first.
I was to spend the next twelve hours next to a seemingly very nice Korean couple. Granted, I didn't actually speak more than the occasional few words to them, and they could have been absolute and pure evil, but they smiled a lot and were incredibly apologetic for just about everything (I think sometimes even for smiling too much), and the male half, who sat next to me, happily gave up his arm rest for me to selfishly steal for near enough the entire journey so they were fine by me. After some confusion over whether or not I actually wanted to read the in flight magazine (read 'advertisment') or whether they were allowed to move it the few feet in front of me, the safety instructions started (all on TV the lazy bastards), I was told very firmly but nicely to put my TV back in the armrest, the stewardess sat herself down opposite us, some really impatient travellers continually insisted on getting her out of her seat seemingly just for fun, and finally, thanks to my keeping my fingers crossed and praying to santa that it was actually physically possible for this thing to leave the ground, we took off.
Seemingly within minutes, dinner was served. Not being a vegetarian or a Jew, I had to watch everybody else eat before I got my turn. Finally I was approached by an incredibly camp (as if there's any other kind) steward.
'What would you like for dinner sir?'
'Erm, what are the options'
'Well, there steak or Bibimbap'
'What the hell's Bibimbap?'
'It is Korean food with (inaudible explanation)'
'Erm...steak please'
*quick glance in kitchen area*
'I'm sorry sir, we don't have any steak left, what would you like for dinner sir?'
'Well, I don't really have many options then do I?'
*nervous laughter*
'What would you like for dinner sir?'
'...the other one'
And so I was presented with several pots - some kind of meaty/veggie thing, some rice, a few sauces, some pickles and seaweed soup. After watching the couple next to me I managed to open the right things in the right order and create the right mixes and tucked in. It wasn't that bad, actually.
My first challenge was over. Me one, Korea nil.
Next there came (far too much) wine, and then coffee. I slugged them both down, watched Ocean's thirteen (terrible) and fell asleep. And woke up. And fell asleep. And woke up. Eventually I think I managed about three hours as a custodian of the land of nod. So as anyone would do on an international flight, with a seemingly unwakeable Korean male next to them, I watched some God-awful sitcoms until breakfast came. I had another two options for brekkie - either I could take some kind of scrambled again thing or an inaudible mumble. Naturally I went for the former, as I had already had one new thing in the last few hours and I wasn't a connoisseur of illiterate speech and again, for flight food it was pretty good.
Anyway, I was a pro at the flying thing now so I finally got the nerve to stand up. I grasped my single haired toothbrush, walked up to a few seats in front of me and started doing some mister motivator-esque work out as naturally as possible, and then headed for the bathroom, only stopping to answer some guy who enquired as to whether I was looking forward to the big cancer meet in Seoul;
'hey - you here for the cancer?'
'Excuse me??'
'The cancer in Seoul - you going to it?'
'The what?!'
'There's a big meeting for cancer in Seoul, I assumed that's where you were going...'
I'm not going to go into the rest of this conversation as it became a little too normal from that point on to make interesting reading, but it sure span me out...
Ok, so belts on, TV away, brief conversation with Malaysion stewardess (who I'm sure fancied me, but then I tend to think that of everyone), and we're down. Another 10 hours of waiting and we're in Incheon. I'm here. I'm in Korea. No-one can understand me. And now for the next flight...
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