Annoying Facebook friends

So I was reading through some of my old blog posts that I have pulled in here from the last few years. I noticed a couple that feature that old dinosaur of social networking sites; Myspace. In order to redress th balance, and move with the times as it were I thought I'd write a Facebook-centric post, so here I give you my list of 'annoying Facebook friends'.

This isn't, it should be noted, an all encompassing note that people are supposed to read and say 'ah yes, I hate that!' but my list of annoying friends, the type of people that frustrate me to the point that I desperately want to tell them as much but never do, in the knowledge that I secretly love having things to moan about and that to be removed from their friends list and restricted access to these wonderful, beautiful nuggets of annoyance. Enjoy.

1. The whinger

She (and yes, it is nearly always a she) used to be quite a cool person when you knew her. You think. You're pretty sure you used to spend the days getting wasted together and didn't give a crap about anything. But, somewhere along the line, she turned into a horrendous dragon from which no-one is safe. She hates her work, her boss, her clients. She hates strangers who looked at her the wrong way and shop assistants who didn't give her the proper respect. But the most vitriolic outbursts are reserved for that most hated of creature: the poor bastard with whom she shares a bed. He is inherently unable to do anything right; he is a lazy, yobbish, waste of space. He does nothing, and yet he does everything wrong. He can't cook, clean or even do his job properly and damn does she want everyone to know about it! Seriously, I feel sorry for this bloke and his continual attempts to do right, Keep trying, fella!

2. The desperately-needs-attention.

'Comment on my status and I'll tell you a secret! I'll pick out your best photo, tell you I want you, come to your house and clean your toilet in the nude! Just make a comment, one little comment, please!'

What do they do all night? I mean, I'm guilty of leaving fbook on while I watch a film, read a book, write a blog post...but I couldn't imagine having to plead to get people to write a little love heart on my page. Is our craving for near constant communication that bad that we are now happy to spill our secrets, pore over photos, answer stupid questions, simply in order to sate this yearning? Is that all I'm doing right now?? Oh, shit...


3. The old school friend.


Ok so this could get me into trouble. I don't mean all of them, but there are a good few who seem to be locked a world that only existed when you were fifteen. They spell as badly, care about the same inconsequential rubbish and still live with, or within a few feet of, their parents. In truth, these people aren't so much annoying as a friendly reminder of how much you've changed, and how old you've become. To think that your life has changed so much in such seemingly little time is....well in truth, it's depressing. But so much better than the alternative...

4. The where did I meet him? Did I meet him? Maybe at that party.....errr.....?

Why did he add me? Why did I accept?! And is this guy not the most active facebooker around?? He updates, he blogs, he vlogs, he has a new photo album every other day and yet you just can't figure out who the hell he is....but the strangest thing is that you somehow get sucked into these peoples' lives, sometimes for years on end. The annoying thing is that you end up playing voyeur to some unkown life and, though you may only glance at the updates as you scroll down, end up knowing more about their recent lives than their dear old mum. Is this what Facebook has brought us to?

5. The can't stop moaning about a website that he actively uses, updates to, blogs to and is all around hypocritical about.

errr.....yeah......